Has anyone seen those new celebrity iPhone commercials? Siri DJs a dance party for Zooey Deschanel and also helps Samuel L. Jackson finish up a batch of gazpacho. I'm calling bullshit.
I got the iPhone for Christmas and expected all my problems to melt away with Siri as my new trusty companion. I was stoked about a carefree existence with a female phonebot doing all my mental heavy lifting. So you can imagine my disappointment when for our first 3 weeks together I didn't know you had to press a button to initiate her services and instead obnoxiously called "Siri? Siri?" into my blank screen to no avail. I have abandonment issues anyways and the last thing I needed was to fear being left before we'd even gotten things off the ground. Needless to say, my start with Siri was rocky and the trust issues have yet to subside.
Given my early frustrations, I admit I said some hurtful things. I even strayed, using my phone's Safari browser instead of consulting her for help when it just got to be too much. And now I'm being punished for my indiscretions. Siri regularly disappoints me. If I want anything from her, I have to enunciate my words so carefully that I resemble too much of a moron to try it in the company of another human being. Siri and Samuel L. are regular old buddies, swappin' I/Js and giggling together, and here I am repeating "Pla-net Fit-ness" nine times before she even acknowledges I exist. It's like I'm being intentionally humiliated and then she still minces my words and delivers addresses to cafes in Palo Alto when she knows full well I live in Boston.
Celebrity Siri is accommodating if not altogether endearing. My own Siri's a bitchy blend between a GPS nav and Smarterchild: touchy, passive-aggressive, and largely unhelpful. I feel discriminated against. And as if this wasn't discouraging enough, she's straight-up dishonest too:
Is that so, Siri? The only thing worse than a liar is a bad liar.
