I'm about to talk about my period. Since I don't really do "discreet" or "tactful" - if that kinda thing freaks you out, you should stop reading now. Not stop reading the blog, but stop reading this post. Come back tomorrow, I'll be less gross, I swear.
I always thought tampons were kinda gross, and never needed them. Then when I was around 20, I started swimming every day with my friend "Lisa". We were getting ready to go out to dinner and I was telling her that I wasn't going to be able to swim the next couple days because I was on my period. She was shocked when I told her my tampon phobia. She decided to "fix" me. She handed me a tampon and shoved me into her bathroom and stood outside the door. She talked me through the whole process. You might think it would be awkward... but you'd be wrong. It was BEYOND awkward. Especially since neither of us were mature enough to say the word "vagina" and instead said "hooha".
So after much trial and error (and about 5 tampons) I was pretty sure I was set. They say when you can't feel it, you've got it in right. I couldn't feel it, so I figured... let's go. At this point, it had been about an hour and we were starving. I washed my hands (duh LOL) and we got dressed and headed for a local trendy restaurant. (Magnolia Cafe, for local Austinites.)
We had to wait a bit to get a table. I was kind of nervous, because standing made everything feel a little loosey-goosey down there, but Lisa told me to have faith in Tampax. Lisa and I got pretty silly sometimes, and our pre-dinner cocktails encouraged the silliness. By the time we sat down, we were being just plain goofy.
She started telling me a story about a guy she'd slept with, and I started laughing. You know when you laugh super hard, and no sound comes out, and your arms start flailing about a little bit and you can't breathe? And you think you might die, but it's okay, because it's THAT funny? Yeah... it was like that.
And then...
The damn tampon shot out. Like a torpedo. I froze. I'm sure my eyes were like saucers. Suddenly, I wasn't laughing. I got up and waddled to the ladies room and got rid of the damn thing. I had my usual Always pad in my purse and I switched it out. When I got back to the table, Lisa was STILL doing the gasping/flailing/laughing thing because she knew exactly what had happened.
We don't talk much any more, but occasionally I'll see her update on FB and that memory will hit me... and I'll laugh till I cry.
Have a happy period!
