The other day I met a guy who really really
Likes to cut trees
When I asked him why he really really
Likes to cut trees
He said it was because when he was little
He saw a man cut a tree
But he didn’t cut it right
So the tree fell on him and crushed him to death
I asked: “Did you know this man?”
He said: “Yea, he was kinda involved in my being born.”
Then he told me that he doesn’t hate trees
He loves trees
But they’re evil and they need to
be chopped down
That reminded me of that shitty
movie where plants try to kill people
The one where people spontaneously
leap off buildings
The one where Zooey Deschanel
proves she’s evil and needs to be chopped down
All the while also thinking Lady In The Water
really was a beautiful movie, people need to leave that movie alone!
Then I remembered that evil bitch Zooey
messed with that architect’s heart
Where’s the machete!
Not the Robert Rodriguez film,
But the real deal
…the reel deal
Sometimes people ask me:
“Why do you hate Zooey so much?
She’s a super cool lady. What did she
ever do to you?”
And I say: “She was born.”
Then the crazy guy who really really
Likes to cut trees
Looked at me and he looked at a sad little tree
Placed as a sad little decoration
And he went up to it and mangled it with his hands
That’s right, I was there
I saw it
I thought What if trees could cry like
lobsters cry when they’re being cooked?
Then he handed the little tree over to me
Like it was flowers and said: “For you.”
Source:
http://frankjimandmary.wordpress.com/2012/11/30/zooey-deschanel-is-evil-and-needs-to-be-chopped-down/