Five years ago, I had a dream. A dream of made up charts and obscure pop culture references. This is that dream. I’ve had a lot of fun though and even a little success. I got my work out there, mainlined into pop culture consciousness, and I’ve managed to meet a few cool people who might even call themselves fans. All and all it’s been a wonderful experience. I may not have actually solved any mysteries or really answered any questions, but I’ve had a ton of fun trying and that’s got to count for something.
So, if you’re a long time fan, let’s reminisce a bit… and if you’re new to Wolf Gnards, here’s a little recap.
AKA the only Wolf Gnards Articles you Know
5. Hipster Irony – One of the sacred tenets of article writing is “something, something hipsters.” And, of course, if possible, “something, something bad about hipsters.” I don’t really care about the misuse of the term irony, and I’m not even entirely sure if it is a misuse. I just don’t like the idea of liking things ironically in that you only like it because it’s not worth liking and if was worth liking you wouldn’t like it. Or even the concept of “it’s so bad, it’s good.” Why can’t it just be good? I want to like things unironically. So, yes, I don’t like “hipsters” because they like things that they don’t actually like… and that also might be ironic.
4. Greek Tragedy – My favorite part of this is how people like to belittle my genetic expertise as if I have any sort of genetic expertise. The only advanced degree I have is in English, and look at all it’s gotten me! Of course, Greeks can be blonde, the Greek thing was probably more of springboard for me because it’s such a rare thing. The point is that it’s rare, and 3 out of 3 is not rare. Also, Dave Coulier tweeted this, so it pretty much validates everything...
3. Pictures of Topanga – This is another sacred tenet… picture of girls will get traffic. I very quickly discovered random pictures of girls will generate far more traffic than any well thought out piece of writing. Girls = traffic. Hot girls = even more traffic. Nostalgic hot girls = maximum traffic. Who didn’t have a soft spot for Topanga? A smart girl who doesn’t realize that she’s hot to the point that she’s willing to date (and marry) the lesser Savage brother (because if you read this blog regularly, you too probably identify yourself as a lesser Savage brother. We are all lesser Savage brothers).
2. Pictures of Zooey Deschanel – More pictures, more girls. Also, please, note that this was a pre-New Girl crush. There’s really not much to this article. It was really just an excuse to post this picture of Zooey’s bangs. I had the idea to do the bang breakdown, but I had no idea that it would be 50/50 until I started looking at pictures. Did this site make Zooey Deschanel famous… absolutely not. Did this site accurately decode why people like her? Probably not. Has Zooey Deschanel seen this picture? That’s a strong maybe. From my photoshop to her eye, not a bad day at all.
1. The Groundhog Day Article! – And then there was Bill Murray. This article is basically the guiding force behind Wolf Gnards (none of my Monster Squad articles even cracked the top 10). I didn’t really know what this blog was about until I wrote this article. It was kinda nerdy and kinda pop culturey, but no real focus in either direction. This article really set the tone for what Wolf Gnards would eventually become and the overall snark of the website. There was definitely a time when I was desperate to get out from under its shadow because I’ve never been able to come close to replicating its success (Pop quiz: what site launched this article? Digg. Can you believe that? One day on the limping corpse of Digg provided more traffic than any other referral source combined). But I’ve learned to love that shadow, and if you’re gonna be in anyone’s shadow it might as well be Bill Murray’s.
Source:
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