My on-going/off-going relationship with celebrities has been something I'd come to terms with for a few years now. I just know that when I watch the Notebook, I will start turning myself into Rachel McAdams so that Noah Calhoun will ask me to dance in the middle of the street to his poorly hummed version of I'll Be Seeing You. I also know that when I put on TV-Guide Channel and catch a glimpse of I Love New York reruns, I'm absolutely going to start singing along to Chance's poorly made "Life of the Party" music video. I'm aware that when I hear a Michael Buble song I'm going to cry in my car over how unfair it is that we will never be together and my frustration with Luisiana keepnig us apart. It's just me-I'm weird and I like to get infatuated with strange celebrities with whom I will probably never meet.
I thought this stage of my life was ending until one day when I was watching my weekly HelloGiggles Ustream podcast and Samantha Ronson was the host. I had never known much about SR before this, but after 50 minutes of hearing her shyly talk about her new CD and impulse middle of the night self haircut, I knew I wanted to know more. I spent the next few days looking up just about everything I could about her. I mean hours and hours on The L Chat message boards reading through 587 pages dedicated to her. Finally, I came to terms with the fact that I had a crush. A Ryan Gosling style crush. Now, I have to tell you, this did not sit well with me. I was genuinely freaked out. I'm not one of those girls that kisses other girls at parties for fun and attention. I'm not even one of those girls who has a girl crush on Angelina Jolie. I was going to have 5 kids with my gorgeous, manly husband and this is just ruining my plan! But, you guys, there is just something about Samantha Ronson. I mean, her last two girlfriends were straight until they met her, so I know I'm not the only one.
First things first, I needed to figure out if I liked her because she seemed like a guy to me, so that I could understand this whole thing a little better. I didn't even feel comfortable saying "her" because I didn't think of her as having a gender. She was just there and I was attracted to her. She seems like a guy, she dresses like a guy --with her cool vintage band t-shirts, cute hipster pants, and staple leather jackets, but she's totally girly at the same time. Although she seems like a hardass, and dresses like a dude everyday, she wears hot pink bikinis to the beach. She loves Breakfast at Tiffany's. She even prefers to be called "Samantha", rather than "Sam". Now, I know I'm not the only one who thinks most boyish lesbians would drop the 'antha' and be all "I'm Sam, yall". But that's just now how Samantha rolls. She doesn't try and fit a certain stereotype, she's just her.
An added bonus to our relationship would be that her friends in Hollywood are totally the people I would want to be friends with. These friends include: Mindy Kaling (whom I adore, and highly recommend her awesome book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without me?) , Sophia Rossi (whos hilarious tweets that I stumbled upon are what led me to HelloGiggles then to Samantha in the first place..So basically our mutual friend who introduced us) , Zooey Deschanel, and Nicole Richie.
So I realized that this infatuation was only going to get much worse before it got better. Obviously nothing else in my life was more important than finding out if she and Erin Foster were really in a secret relationship, what the details were in her breakup with Lohan, how am I going to come out to my parents, where am I going to get a job and apartment in LA, is Erin Foster going to be mad at me for breaking up her and SR (because obviously she will realize we are soul mates and instantly dump this gorgeous girl for me, right) ? And if Erin Foster is mad at me, will that hurt my chances of her dad introducing me to Michael Buble? My mind was racing and my world was upside down. \
This fiasco continued with many nights of my roommate hysterically laughing at me and trying to convince me that I am not a lesbian (am the straightest girl she knows, actually), and I need to give up SR cold turkey. Overtime my obsession with Samantha faded..but I will always remember my one lesbian week with Samantha (month actually, but for the sake of the movie title..) I'm still certain that if SR walked into my house today and asked for me to be her girlfriend, I'd break up with my awesome boyfriend of two years instantly.
It's only fitting that I leave you with this song:
