| Respect for the Circumspect Feb 28th 2012, 09:11 Renaissance Hippie: Respect for the Circumspect skip to main | skip to sidebar Respect for the Circumspect It's a sh ame that suicide has such a bad name. Has it always been considered the cowardly way out? If women and homosexuals and transgender types can all (rightfully) fight for equality and respect, why can't the suicidal? I have no desire to plod on any longer. I'm sick and tired of failing and losing and crying myself to sleep, of being pitied and judged and looked down upon. Must I really endure this torture just to keep guilt from knocking at the doors of my family and friends?
Some people are good at life, some are not. Just like some men fancy women and others men. Why the hypocrisy in accepting people as they are? When human rights were violated in Germany, the whole world went to war. Why is my right to humanity any lesser than that of a Jew on his way to his last barbecue? I don't want America to nuke my soul-sucking boss, or shoot out the publishing industry for not responding to my umpteen manuscript submissions. I just want to leave with my held high, with the grace of one who has made an intelligent decision. I shouldn't have to up and leave without saying goodbye, to steal away in the night.
If people can renounce gym memberships and citizenship, they should be able to cancel their subscription to Life & Co without penalty. There should of course be some sort of franchising arrangement. It wouldn't be ideal to let a nine year old make the decision to kill himself, I agree. How about sixteen or eighteen? If you're old enough to give life without judgement, you're old enough to take your own in peace. I'm twenty seven, and I want nothing more than to Exit Stage. I'd like to have my family around, email my friends and acquaintances and generally have one last goodbye. I understand some of them might miss me, or mourn me, but I should be able to inform them of my decision without being forcefully admitted into a mental institution.
What suicide needs is a good PR campaign. Create a Facebook page, a Twitter hashtag. Get corporate cheerleaders on board, and we might just see a new dawn of respect for the circumspect. The commercial possibilities are endless. McDonalds could film my last Big Mac, and put it up on Youtube. "One for the road," I'd cheerfully declare. Or I could take a sip of my favourite beverage, put down my can, and say "this Coke is to die for" before putting a bullet in my head. It'd be a fantastic way to create awareness that the suicidal are people too. You consume, we consume. We've just consumed enough.
It could give rise to a whole new industry in these recession-struck times. Fun ways to die! Choose a death that says something about your personality! Get shot out of a cannon, or swim with piranhas for 500 bucks. Who hasn't wanted to do that? Go one-on-one with Mike Tyson, or fly a plane into ... no wait, that one's just morbid. Vegas could prop up it's dwindling marriage market with a line of pop culture-referencing suicide options. Elvis could chop you a line laced with Anthrax, or you could email Keyser Söze and tell him the whole thing was really quite predictable.
I hate to say this, but the easiest way to make suicide the new Normal might be to get Zooey Deschanel involved. Some of you may already be familiar with how I feel about Zooey. But why not? It's for a good cause, and Lord knows she's done enough to make zombies out of an entire generation. These kids are never getting their individuality back; the least she could do is sing a quirky suicide ditty that will inevitably go viral and give them all a way out when they need one.
Till I can get her to pitch in, maybe the lot of you can spread the word. Promise me you'll cash your cheques when it's obvious there's no point waiting any longer. Call it quits the moment you realize there's no grand finale, no blaze of glory, that this is about as good as it gets. Let's not hang around once the party's over, that's just sad. And till you get there, have a "No Rest For The Depressed" badge on your blogs, or wear a "Suicide FTW!" teeshirt or something. Do something, you guys, or all this apathy is just going to kill you.  | |