WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS THE 'C' WORD. Twice. Oooooo offensive.
Sometimes I make fun of my parents. Particularly my Dad. He has a very strange approach to big issues. If I ever say I'm a bit sad or frustrated, he will say, "You're not going to kill yourself are you?"
I'm not sure if he is genuinely enquiring or if he feels that, by contrast, the option of suicide makes my problem of being stressed at work seem silly. His idea of positive body image is, "Some people in the world are starving and you're not" and his advice on drugs is, "If you have to be around drugs, hang around drug ADDICTS, not drug PUSHERS. Nobody likes peer pressure". Unique problem solving – tick!
It's hard not to make fun of Dad though when he says things like, "I just realised I have 3 daughters so that means I'll have to pay for 3 weddings. I hope at least 2 of you turn out to be gay so I can avoid the expense. (pause) oh but gay marriage will be legal soon and then I'll be fucked anyway!!" Cheap, but tolerant is Dad.
It seems both parents have some problems with major events. My mum didn't come to my 21st because parking would be too difficult. Admiteddly, she threw me an awesome 18th party. Looking back on it now though, it was at our house so she already had a guaranteed car spot in the garage. I'm 23 now, so have started thinking that I'll start planning my 30th this year, just so she has enough time to park.
I probably shouldn't (faux) complain though. I could have it a lot worse.
A family member I'm somehow related to, commented on the passing of her mother with this touching tribute on Facebook. "My mother is two years gone today. I only wish she were still alive today to see what a pair of cunts her two grand children have turned out to be".
Tissues? Tissues anyone?
So, hypothetically, this deceased mother is somehow blessed with an extra day on the earth in her physical being. All logical and scientific boundaries are shattered. It's as though it's a dream. She has a chance at one more day of life. To make up for wrong doings? To sit and enjoy the day? To travel to one place she never had?
No. She gets to go and witness people in various stages of 'cunt-i-ness'.
Well. Don't tell me fairytales are dead!
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