Update: I felt that my ABC post was a little harsh and insensitive so I wanted to post something to make the ladies feel better, ya know give them something to strive for!
Every dude has or should have his top 5 celebrity broads he'd marry or bang or whatever. My bros and I are always assessing and rearranging our personal lists because we're chovenistic pigs with little to no respect for women. That's not entirely true we're not all that way, but here's my list:Oh and ladies take some notes, maybe you can read this and try a little harder to be better looking so Dudes will like you, maybe help you get over your insecurities and shortcomings you're no doubt burdened with along with all your make-believe problems!
Honorable mention goes to Zoe Saldana, she'd be on the list if she had bigger boobs just sayin! 5. – Rihanna! The slut factor with her is off the charts. Let's be honest it's pretty much pick a hole with Rihanna. But that's not why she's on this list, it's because she's a talented and strong willed woman (wink wink)! 4. – Mila Kunis! A little on the skinny side for me, but she seems super cool. I would be tempted to take her for a cheeseburger or three and then go to the bathroom with her to make sure she doesn't throw that shit up. If I pay for a meal then she's obligated to keep it down unless her throwing up means we get to have sex! 3. – Olivia munn! She both Asian and Caucasian so you know she's smart and is sluttly too! And if you think that's a gross generalization then I guess you didn't see her hacked cell phone picks. That broad is a straight up freak; I'm talking like bipolar female werewolf going through menopause freak! Plus she resonates with Geeks, how bout that slave Lea outfit! 2. – Zooey deschanel! I can't say anything bad about this chic, she is cool! I'm not sure where she came from but I'm pretty sure she was lovechild of an angel and a reaaaaaalllly reaaaaaalllly beautiful woman! She is by far the least bitchiest of the 5 here! Only reason she's not one is Bar is fucking so ridiculously hot that it transcends any bitchiness! I almost guarantee she's cool too and I've only known one cool chic in my whole life and I have no idea what happened to her, but their personalities were pretty damn similar! Like said chic I could actually go out with her (Zooey) and not get annoyed right off the bat and that happens somewhere between never and fucking ever! 1. - bar refaeli! She's Israeli and a supermodel so pretty much she is a cold blooded killer and looks smoking hot doing it! I have no idea how Leonardo Dipshitio landed her! I'm not sure but she probably is a goddess and the poops she takes don't stink and pretty much have to taste like the worlds best tasting desert whatever that tastes like! I would ask her out just for the privilege of getting shot down by her and wear that shit like a badge of courage! I would literally kill a planet full of baby kittens for her! Show me a woman who thinks she's hotter than Bar and I'll show you a woman who's lying to herself (more than normal)! Now let's be honest all 5 of these broads are all probably crazy, insecure-messes who spend all day on Facebook worrying about stupid shit. They're all probably pathetically human and if I knew them I might hate them (except you Zooey)! That being said, a brother's gotta hold onto some fantasies because the one I have of the Steelers winning a seventh Super Bowl is fading fast!
Be on the Lookout for my RED FLAGS post. If that doesn't bring you femaniacs out with pitchforks and torches nothing will! Stay Crazy ladies!
