Today is Friday the 13th. (Ooh, scary.) It is also the three-year anniversary of Homestuck. It is also time for more IZ:BAC.
Chapter 1
Previous chapter
AN: Sinse noone mentoned this in there reivews I gess they didnt get it. Stephen Merchan an Zooy Deschanel are a copple becos Zooy was gonna be Chell in da roomer, an Stpehen plays Wheatly so its lick Chell an Wheatly are a cople an sinse Chell is like Marrissa but less hot an pretty its lick Marrissa an Wheatly are a cople!21
Two pairings I hate for the price of one! Hooray!
One wonders if this means Zooey is pregnant.
Invader Zim; Born Agan Christian
Chapter 5: Christan Charity
"Wow sis yur frends are prettay cool." Zooy said as we was ridin in the Voot Crooser.
And she's apparently not at all flustered by the fact that she's riding in a spaceship with an alien, her little sister, a homicidal maniac who's dating her little sister, and her boyfriend Stephen Merchant.
How are they all fitting in the Voot, anyway? It's a pretty tiny spacecraft.
"Yah there all bloody brillunt blocks!" Stefen smerched.
"Smerched" is a verb now? I… I don't know if this is a good thing. Someone had better tell the Smerchettes, though.
"Espettally yur new boyfrend he is soooo cool why didant u tell me bout him?" Zooy pointed at Nee who just smied an said "All in a das work, maam." Then Zim made um growls an 'angry faced' Nee.
Ooh, looks like someone is jealous!
That's awful, by the way. This whole situation — Gloria dating Nny and Zim being jealous of Nny — is horrid.
I was tiered for Zim actin so strange round Nee so I yelled "OMG Zim wats ur problem?" He was bout to answer wen… "OH WEMS I FORGOTE!1111 There a football game tonite at Skool an Im the qwaterbak." Zim cried. "We will be lat."
The idea of Zim being a quarterback is so bewilderingly insane that I don't know how anyone could have even thought it up.
"Dont worry Zim we have to get u there on tim its are Christian Charity!" I said and Stevphen lolled. "LOL u Christians an yur rools."
"Forbiden Fruit" reference?
He an Zooy was aneurisms an didant Christian that much.
Well, if they're "aneurisms" (what's that supposed to mean, atheists or agnostics?) they shouldn't be "Christianing" at all, should they?
We reeched skool just in tim for the game Zim got ot to run to da jim room an we got sum seets.
"Wow these games keep getting better every year." Zooy cheered as the teems ran out.
Why does Zooey Deschanel regularly attend high school football games?
"My son just keeps gettin stronger an more braver every day." A tall labcote man said wile pointin at onna the playas.
What is Membrane doing at this event? I know, Dib's in the game, but since when does he take the time to support his kids?
I looked careful to see an the playa was…. DIB!22!1111
Oh, how surprising.
Dip was bein the hed kicker (becos hes got a big hed lol) an was bout to punt da ball.
*facepalm*
One wonders if this entire scene was written purely so that this joke could be made.
But it was seekrit trik! He was gonna punt the ball inot Zims man balls to impact them an kill Zim.
It wouldn't be a MarissaTheWriter fic without someone's "man balls" (as opposed to woman balls?) getting "impacted".
I thot sumthin was little bit supishus bout Dib an maybe he was planin sumthin.
"Thats the bloody sodder hoo tried to kill my girlyfrend!" Stephen was soooo mad at seein Dib gain so I said. "Hung on I think he mite be up to sumthin."
Gloria Deschanel: World's Greatest Detective.
The game was bout to benign an Dip helded up the footboll.
"HEY ZIM THINK FAUST!111″ Dib creamed an pumpted the ball at Zim so hit for a kill. I saw were the kill was goin a happen so I jumped of the bleechers an graped the ball.
What.
But my momentary was too strong so I floo sum far lenths an went over the goal poast so I scored a touchdown for da home teem!
What.
I'm so glad this is a trollfic, because that was perhaps the most Sue-ish scene I've ever read.
"YO GO GLORIA HURRAY!112111!" Zim started cheerin an all the pepole did too an Zooy was wavin her amrs an Nee did a woff wistle. Dib yelled sum an kiked grownd an Prettay Dog elled from the bleechers "That was yur last chanse Dip now yull never been a TEEN RAGER."
I'm resisting the urge to make the same dumb joke I made in chapter 1 regarding the Teen Ragers. You know: "They say those Teen Ragers scare the livin' shit outta me…"
Good thing I'm above reusing jokes.
Then Dibe felted the scar on his neck from were my crossifix stabed him.
THE PLOT THICKENS
It had crit his juggler vane an remberin that made him even more blangry.
It hit his jugular and he somehow didn't die? Also, why is there only one scar? Didn't the crucifix go in one side and out the other?
He taked of a gun an say to Ragers. "Wate I can still kill sumwon." Then he shooted THE GUN an it hitted sumwon an they screemed an died. I loked an saw it was… GAZ!11111!
Wait, what? Dib just shot Gaz? Was he aiming for her, or did he just fire randomly? Also, isn't she going to torment him from beyond the grave now or something?
"No my dotter sun yur too strength." Proffer Mambrane said with acuse.
I love how Membrane seems almost completely unconcerned about the fact that his son just killed his daughter.
Dib didant care an shooted him to. The awdeense peeps were to scared to do anythin.
On the plus side, this is more exciting than football.
"Alrite Dib now yull pay I got Gloria to teech me to be a Cristan so I cold get Jezus powers to kill you wif!" Zim goat his crossifix eerings out to use like shurikens an throwed tehm at Dip. (AN I no that fitin with crossifixes is bad relgion now, but Zim was just usin it to get powers to fite Dibl with so its kay)
Oh, okay, glad you cleared that up.
I o-mouthed at Zims words, he was usin me an Jesus just to revnage Dib?
World's. Greatest. Detective.
One crossifix hitted Dib in they eye an the eye explodd an got blood an eye all ever were. "YEEEOUCH ZIM YOU G***** F******** B****** IM GONNA F****** KILL U!12111!"
The gory scenes in this fic are so insane. It's awesome.
Then the otter throwin crossifix hite Dips hand soooo hard it riped of.
See what I mean?
"Ill be back." He ran way to recooperate an think off a new plan. "Thatll teech him." Zim doosted his hands off an I came.
Dear fanfiction writers: Stop ending sentences in "I came", or "[subject name here] came", unless you are trying to write bad porn. Thank you.
"Oh hi Gloria did u see how I revnaged Dib?"
"Yuo b***j*** u never was a reel Christian at all u was usin me!" I angried at him.
What the hell is "b***j***"?!
"I needed to revange Dib an u sad Jesus had powors its nothin personal." Zim had done reel bad so I take dot my crossifix an slapped Zims cheek wit it so he had a big bloody crossifix mark on his cheek for ever.
Forever?
I don't… I don't think that's how that works…
"U bretayred me, u betrayed Nee, an worse of all u betrayed JESUS! I hat you Zim go way for ever!111″
"Wate Gloria I love u!" But I had alsredy left. Zim felt don an cried.
Does this make him a goth emo?
Affer I got home I sitted on my bed an was sad. Zim had used an abused me an Jesus too.
Sheesh, Gloria, you're making it sound like he raped you or something—
—bad mental image, moving on.
I put on sum sad goth emo muzik like Avril Lavinge an MCO an cried.
MCO? My Chemical… Ostriches? Opossum? Once-ler? Ovaries? There are so many possibilities here. You're going to have to narrow it down a bit.
Zooy an Steven was bunkin downstars wen I heard…
"OMG STEFEN YES YUR LIKE A SIBARRIAN TIGER!111!" Zooy screemed ot an I was sooo grosed out.
Actually, I have it on good authority that he's more like a giraffe than a tiger—
—bad mental image, moving on.
"Hey u guys shout up this a CHRISTIAN HOSE!11!" But there was jus more gruntin an groanin so I turned op the muzik an cryed more becos now nothin was bein Christan no more.
If Stephen Merchant "gruntin an groanin" is anti-Christian somehow, what'd you think of "the itch", Gloria? Oh, right, I forgot — in this fic canon!Portal 2 has been replaced by It's My Life.
That nite Dib was at his hose it was all empty now sinse killin Dad n Gas an he was a robot hand an eye pash now.
Just a robot hand and an eye patch. Nothing more.
There was nock at door so Dib went to answer ite. He open door an saw a guy on a flame bike he had lethur cloths an skelton head that was on fire. It was… GHOST RIDER!11
Yay, it's someone I know nothing about!
"Dip, thy art… GHOST RID3R!22″
Hold on — did Ghost Rider just tell Dib that Dib is Ghost Rider?
Dib o-mouthed Ghos Rider was at his hoem? "Ghost RIdder? Yur more lik a Nite Rider lol." Ghost Riter was not amoosed tho, an said "I haf come with a massage from thy dark mastar."
What kind of massage? Swedish? Deep-tissue? Myofascial release?
It was shokin noos what wold Ghost Rider want wif me, Dib thot?
"Thou dost be the antithesis! U will start to apocelces an kill the world!" Ghost Dier lolled evily.
This Ye Olde English is worse than Voldemort's dialogue in My Immortal.
"Bu how I do that?" Dib was exited but kinna scarred from the revlation. Now he had powors to get back at Zim an the Teen Ragers AN Gloria Deskchannel!
"Deskchannel" will never cease to amuse me.
"To make it u will haf to kill the secon conning of Jesus… the second comin is…."
TO BE CONTINUED!
What an exciting chapter. *yawn*
So much char develtoment in this chapter, next one Im gonna take a brake from the instense an do a veray spesal one thatll be more diffrant.
Should I be scared? I think I should be scared.
See u guys next tyme!
Get ready for more Ye Olde Spellyng!
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This entry was posted on April 13, 2012 at 6:48 pm and is filed under Fanfic MSTs with tags awful things, fanfiction, HFF, Invader Zim, Invader Zim: Born Again Christian, MarissaTheWriter, Mary Sue, MST. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
