Honey,
Can you run to Whole Foods sometime today and pick up a couple of things? I have hot fencing and cold yoga today, so I'll be back late. Thanks, babe! Check to see if Krissteena is out of coconut-skin diapers. If she is, add them to the list! Love you! See you tonight! <3 XOXO <3
Sincerely,
Sincerely
P.S. I figured out what I want for Christmas: Sneeze elimination surgery! January Jones did it when she was 2! We'll talk! Kisses!
WHOLE FOODS GROCERY LIST:
-Black yogurt
-Pilates sauce
-Cloned bananas
-Cloud bread
-Sugar-free tarantula wafers
-Jupiter lettuce
-Salmon marshmallows
-1/2 pound of caribou cartilage
-Bismuth cheese (shredded)
-Terrapin spit
-Wyoming warbler eggs
-Recycled pistachios
-Plywood bites (if they don't have them, go to Trader Joe's)
-Frogs/toads/hummus
-Mars-scented candles
-Avocado O's and koala milk
-Canadian trail mix (w/ twigs)
-Licorice salt
-Hiccup drops (almond or seaweed)
-Olive water
-Hay
-New issue of Modern MILF (Julia Louis-Dreyfus on cover)
-AND NO FLIRTING WITH THE CASHIER, BUSTER!
Thanks, babe!
For more from Hank…
Past work on FlipCollective.com.
To follow him on Twitter.
To befriend him on Facebook.
To send him an email.

The Rosicky Jones Canseco-Twitterschach Test, by Rosicky Jones 04-25-2012 In 1921 Herb Merp attended a Daft Punk concert. He returned to the Swiss loft he shared with Zooey Deschanel to write a book based on Daft Punk's hit song "Psychodiagnostik." As is the case with most struggling authors, Merp ended up doodling on the pages instead of writing anything of substance. The doodles seemed inconsequential until Herb ...

An Interview with Hives Frontman Pelle Almqvist, by Hank Layton 04-19-2012 Howlin' Pelle Almqvist is the charismatic vocalist for Swedish rock band The Hives -- playing at Coachella this week for the first time in nine years. If you're not familiar with Almqvist and The Hives, here's them playing "Tick Tick Boom" Sunday afternoon: http:...

Text Message Limbo, by Paul Shirley 04-16-2012 It used to be simple. You got the girl's number, you called her, you hoped you'd get her voicemail, you waited for her to call back, you made a plan to get Italian. But now? Now, nobody uses the telephone for the "phone" part. So, unless the girl is not a girl at all – i.e. over 40 – you're going to need to send a text message. ...

Overrated: A Sonnet, by Tom Dinard 04-09-2012 In-N-Out Burger, The NBA, Death Cab For Cutie, LaMontagne, Ray. The TV show "Louie," And "Mad Men," too, Adele, Kristen Bell, Troy Polamalu. "The Descendants," "Moneyball," Clooney and Pitt, Cock, balls, pussy, Ass, grundle, clit. These are things people overrate. ...