"If something's too good too be true, it probably is."
I'm still uncertain if I agree or disagree, but I lean more towards agreeing.Today something weird happened with Ricardo, and it's made me think and I'm being reminded of why I avoided being in a relationship for so long.
He's too good to be true. I seriously don't know how I lucked out with him. He's everything I could ask for, and he's so good to me. I don't deserve him, and it's only a matter of time before he realizes it.
It sounds really corny, and cliche, but he changed me, and my mindset on relationships. I've spent the last year or so being stupid and just going through people to temporary ease my need for some sort of companionship. I never wanted a relationship with anyone, and I knowingly hurt people with my selfish actions. It was getting old, and it was a vicious cycle of me saying I'll stop because it made me feel like the scum of the earth, but once I felt bad, I did it again to forget about it. And then there was him. I actually like him, and I actually want a relationship, and I feel good about myself again. I don't want to lose it, but historically speaking, I probably will.
I'm really scared to be honest. I don't think I'm an emotionally stable person sometimes. I don't handle things well, and I get so paranoid because of past relationships. I know, I know, I need to get over it but it's so much easier said than done. I feel like I'm scarred hahahaha....I mean when it happens more than once, it's hard not to think every guy is the scum of the fucking earth. I mean, Ricardo isn't. He really seems like a genuine person, which I adore so much. I'm not worried about him cheating on me, I'm worried about him leaving me.
This is why I avoided a relationship so long. I'm too scared. I'm trying my best to not let my emotions get the best of me right now, because I've always let them in the past and it's ended up making things worse. I feel like this will be okay, but I'm not sure. I hope it will, I want this to last, I don't want to run away from it. This is a first for me, maybe I'm actually growing up.
I just needed to vent somewhere, since I can't talk to anyone about it right now. Thank goodness for blogs.
